Brayden Maynard - Bruz

[3rd degree]

A tough Hombre , who gives it all, Keep it coming Bull.

[Cam]

John Ralph is reporting in the HS that:

"The football world is in an uproar over footage of Collingwood's Brayden Maynard seemingly uttering some flatulence amongst a group of players at training. As a result many of them scattered and quickly pulled their jumpers up over their noses. Such was the severity of his action, the group did not regather for some time, Darcy Moore and Mason Cox were seen to be fanning the area with sweeping motions of their arms. Several unnamed players were reported to be laughing. Sources close to Maynard have reported that it was possibly the result of a late night souvlaki. A video seen by the Herald Sun has Maynard making "eyes of orgasmic delight" as he inserts a food object, quite possibly of Greek origin, into his mouth. Allegedly and disturbingly, some of the garlic sauce also is seen first on the edges of his mouth and as the video pans down, on the front of his shirt as well."

More to follow.

Looks like more front page news incoming.

[RudeBoy]

Luv it Cam.

[Piesnchess]

Slobbo Robbo and Caro will be right onto this, how dare he, how dare this unruly Magpie player break wind, drop a putrid fart, at training, perish the thought, what next from this team of Malcontents.?? Hold the front page , yes, by all means, as more breaking farts may well be coming. The AFL is rightly and justly, appalled at this behaviour, and believes only a very stiff fine and perhaps a suspension, will make amends. The Melb HUN papers is on standby, with Jimmy Olsen, alias Sam McClure, on a all points bulletin, to await further contingency plans. Yes, more to follow.

[Skids]

Great reporting Cam! You're on the cusp of being recruited as the next super sleuth of the journalistic world. Congratulations old mate.
I have a scoop on how Joffa once had a cup of tea in the Daicos Bar... with ful cream milk and a shortbread cream... it was only hours before bouncedown and we we're lucky to have my wife, Kelly, who is a special needs teacher, to calm the situation... things could have got ugly.

[Leggie]

Gold.

[What'sinaname]

Does it make it OK if he says he identified as a homeless woman with bad teeth when he flatulated?

[stui magpie]

Following the report by Jon Ralph, multiple advocacy groups have expressed their outrage online..

The Climate Council expressed outrage over the wanton expelling of Methane into the atmosphere.

A spokesperson for SSPAF (Short Statured People Against Flatulance) was appalled at this utter disrespect for short statured people. "We're the ones right in the firing line when this stuff happens. You ever had someone fart right in your face? It happens to us all the time and it's just disgusting. The fact that there were no short statured people present at the time is irrelevant, there could have been. It's a disgraceful and disrespectful act."

A spokesperson for the Andrews Government released a statement that in response they would be seeking urgent amendments to their draft legislation banning grossly offensive public conduct which, if enacted retrospectively could see Maynard jailed for up to 5 years.

[3rd degree]

Ha ha , Corey Gault allegedly smelt this why jogging along the Swan River in Perth.

[aus50ford]

^

Stui,
I can see the Andrews gov adding adult diapers to their mask mandate to eliminate any chance of damage to the climate

[BazBoy]

Is regular intake of oxygen permitted or is Carro/Slobbo against this

Cos I’m against them using our planet’s oxygen

[Piesnchess]

In further news, Kane Cornes, Robbo, and Caro, and John Ralph, have warned this wanton breaking of wind, could lead to mental health issues by our young people, via a massive surge in flatulance bullying in our State Schools. They recommend Maynard by punished at the highest levels. An emergency situation has been called by the State Govt, to discuss this very disturbing trend.

[Johnno75]

The smell was enough to keep JDG away.

[think better]

something stinks about this story

[Medieval]

Ok, two things.

Firstly, right before his 150th? I can't believe he'd risk a ban by doing something so stupid, at the club and in front of the media, no less!

Secondly, the comments in this thread are incredibly sensist. Can none of you spare a thought for those of us sensitive to smell? Does our existence mean so little to you that we should be openly mocked? I've had it with this club and its supporters.