Jokes Jokes and More Jokes
Moderator: bbmods
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think positive
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5150
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- Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2005 4:36 pm
"Aussie Cricketers"
Q.. What do you call an Aussie cricketer with a bottle of champagne?
A. A waiter.
Q.. What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
A. Retired.
Q.. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A. A fisherman.
Q.. Why can no cricketer drink wine in Australia at the moment?
A. They haven't got any openers.
Q.. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussie cricketers?
A.. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
Q.. What does an Australian batting in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
Q.. What's the height of optimism?
A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.
Q.. What do you call an Aussie cricketer with a bottle of champagne?
A. A waiter.
Q.. What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
A. Retired.
Q.. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A. A fisherman.
Q.. Why can no cricketer drink wine in Australia at the moment?
A. They haven't got any openers.
Q.. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussie cricketers?
A.. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
Q.. What does an Australian batting in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
Q.. What's the height of optimism?
A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.
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think positive
- Posts: 40243
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5150
- Posts: 8059
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A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times that her
husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."
He never heard the gunshot...
spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times that her
husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."
He never heard the gunshot...
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think positive
- Posts: 40243
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stui magpie
- Posts: 54850
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Alternative ending.5150 wrote:A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times that her
husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."
He never heard the gunshot...
http://www.chrisspivey.co.uk/?p=11083
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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stui magpie
- Posts: 54850
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This made me laff.
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a noted specialist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist. So she made an appointment.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said, "OK preeze, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of loom."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me."
And, so she did.
Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said, "You probrem vewy bad. You haff Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haff sex or date."
Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?
"Disease is when face rook Ed Zachary rike your ahss."
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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stui magpie
- Posts: 54850
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stui magpie
- Posts: 54850
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- Location: In flagrante delicto
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Dark Beanie
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think positive
- Posts: 40243
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Hahahahahaha that's a classic!Culprit wrote:I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him
get an erection.
When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
Can you help him????
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!